Sunday, July 31, 2011

Romeo and Fooliet

    I think at one point or another everyone has had a night terror/nightmare. My Mom has them frequently. Not just the type of dream that you have in your sleep and its done, but the kind that you act out in your sleep. She had this dream one night that her and my Dad wanted to end their lives, so they took a poison to commit suicide. In this dream the poison ended up working on my Dad but not on my Mom. She reaches over to touch him and he is cold and clammy (now mind you, at this point she is acting her dream out). She starts to get frantic and shakes him a bit to try and wake him up, nothing happens. She shakes him a little harder and still nothing, she then realizes that the poison has taken hold of his life. Dream reality sets in her mind and she begins to weep and throws her body over my Dad's yelling, "NO! NO! He's dead! He's dead!"
    She then sits up crying, still yelling in agony and begins to slam her hands on his back as hard as she could. Yelling all the while, "Oh my God, he's dead! I can't believe he's dead!"
    My Dad picks up his head and says to her in irritation, "I'm not dead! It's called sleep!"

Diarrhea, Throw up, and a dog

When kids are little they have those explosive “accidents” that diapers can’t contain. Everyone knows what I am talking about, where the poop leaks out either on the top or the bottom of the diaper.

My brother was probably two when this happened:

He toddles around the corner with a “full load,” the diaper at max capacity, a small trail of diarrhea inching its way down his leg. My sister, 4, freaks out and yells out, “MOM, Albie’s leaking!!” Before my Mom could turn around my sister catches a whiff, and her having a weak stomach (even to this day) starts the gag reflex. My Mom goes to take care of my brother, when my sister’s gagging becomes reality and vomits all over my Grandfather’s poodle. My Aunt Tina grabs the dog to take him outside, walks right by my Aunt Pam, who also catches the smell of vomit and diarrhea and runs to a window, throws her head and loses her lunch.

With a stream of diarrhea running down his leg, a vomiting sister, a messy dog, a sick Aunt, and a dirty window, my brother smirked as if he knew what he had caused.